love is blue...let's not fool ourselves. be honest. don't be candid. we always do that. always hold a distance and wait for the other to open up, like matryoshka dolls. more apt, we rest across a valley from one another, boulders on mountaintops we once climbed.

our everlasting metaphor: the mountain. strenuously, laborious to exhaustion, we strive upwards to unknown peaks and summits. but the physical can dominate a relationship. it's hard to have a conversation when you're breathless.

we spent our time enjoying company but enjoying the adventure more. and when the adventure ended, so did the company. it's funny, because i want to feel sad, play the clown, feel heartbreak. and sometimes i do. or at least i think i do. maybe i want to feel it. and who knows what IT is?
anything your neuropeptides communicate. anything your heart desires.
anything god wills (just kidding, but some people believe that and it worries me).

how do i cope without her? disconnection.
no more mountains.
apathy.
alcohol.
the same old me.

that's my AA, apathy and alcohol...

...that was meant as a joke but it's not that funny. i laugh anyway. because as smokey said, "my smile is my makeup i've worn since our breakup."
there i go again.
acting dramatic.
acting dramatic. is that an oxymoron?

either way, we had a great time together, and the parting of ways was the fuckin' way she goes...