love is not a chaser for alcohol.

i fear too much
like the company you are able to provide
it makes my soul rejoice
and my heart shake
with lack of confidence to be enough for you.

that i could have written this myself, i might feel more comfortable. or maybe just more entangled in the emotions that lead to writing down thoughts like this. alas, this is what she wrote to me. and it seems unfair. maybe it's unfair of me to say. this flood of emotions rampaging through the valley to the bay...only a trickle for 6 months prior. my lame summation: i'm glad you could finally make it here. it's more than that. i'm glad because for so long i've had to come to terms with what i believed was rejection, or at least the ending of a chapter. and then we turn the page.

seeing you was hard only cuz now i can't stop thinkin about you
i wish i could curl up in your arms tonight

this is where i am at a loss. the page turned. a new chapter. but the distance still remains. and i've been wondering if the distance was what kept us together in the past. or maybe the adventures shared allowed us to keep that distance, always a distracting view...does infatuation make us closer? even when our lives are separate? i'm confused...what's new? but i know the wishing and desires that come along with separation. the sorrow at the dead end of communication. you taught that to me. and i'm not sure if i can dredge up such feelings again without a sour look on my face. instead, let's enjoy what was, is, and continues to be us, as vague and sauntering as that silhouette can be. let us be careful in this chapter.