b

she said i said,
"i drink and i don't want to change and this is where i am and this is where i'm comfortable."
and she said i said this is how my parents had relationships with alcohol.
and i was saying that this is how things are.
and she was saying something about being concerned.
and i was trying to reconcile a reasonable explanation as to why she shouldn't be worried about how much i drink.
the first time we kissed i was driving her home, drunk from the bar. and i was saying i was alright to drive.
her hand lingering on my thigh between the shifting of gears. we kissed more on the floor and against walls in my house, kittens treading lightly across our bellies. she said she had to go home.
i said i was alright to drive. we both said goodnight across the shifting of gears.

on her 1am east coast phone to my 10pm west coast ear tonight she says,
"this isn't fair, i'm already drunk and you're only starting to drink."
i lamely conjure a laugh and something not-so-witty
because i'm flustered
because i'm already pretty buzzed
because, you know.
i say too much to recall after this
because, you know.
i ramble on and on and on;
i ramble on and on and on
because,
you know.